on your feet

The training field smells like mud and wet rope.

Noah is 24. He is a new soldier in training. Rourke is the sergeant who trains him. Rourke is 38 and hard on every man.

Each new soldier must climb a high wall with a rope. A man who cannot climb it is sent home.

Noah climbs halfway up. His hands slip on the rope. He falls into the mud. The air goes out of his chest.

Rourke walks over. He stands above Noah. He keeps his hands behind his back.

"On your feet," Rourke says.

Noah gets up alone. He climbs again. He falls again.

"You scrub the showers tonight," Rourke says.

Noah thinks Rourke hates him.

It is midnight. The other men are in bed. Noah is alone in the shower room.

Noah scrubs the wet tile floor on his knees. A mirror hangs over the sink behind him. A tub of Vaseline sits on the shelf. The men use it on their blisters.

The door swings in. Rourke comes to check the work.

"Scrub that corner," Rourke says.

Noah scrubs the corner. His arms hurt from the rope. His pulse is quick with Rourke watching.

"That is enough," Rourke says. "Get up."

Noah gets up too fast. Rourke is in front of him. The sink is behind him. Noah's boots slip on the wet tile. He tips backward toward the sink.

Rourke grabs the front of Noah's shirt with both hands. He pulls Noah forward hard. Noah lands against Rourke's chest. Noah's head does not hit the sink.

Noah has his balance now. Rourke could let go of the shirt. He does not let go. His hands are shaking. His heart beats fast against Noah's chest. Rourke smells like soap and coffee.

Rourke let Noah fall at the wall. He would not let Noah fall here. Now Noah knows Rourke does not hate him. Noah's throat goes tight.

Then Rourke lets go of the shirt. He steps back.

"This is not an order," Rourke says. "You can go to bed."

Noah does not go. His legs shake.

"Why are you so hard on me?" Noah says.

Rourke does not answer. His jaw moves.

"What do you want?" Rourke says.

Noah tries to say it. No sound comes out. He tries again.

"You," Noah says. "I want you."

Rourke kisses him. The kiss is hard at first. Then it is slow. Rourke's mouth tastes like coffee. Noah's stomach drops. He did not know he wanted this until now.

Rourke locks the door.

"Turn around," Rourke says. "Look in the mirror."

Noah turns. He bends over the sink. The sink is cold under his hands. In the mirror he sees his own face. He sees Rourke behind him. His pulse beats in his throat.

Rourke pulls Noah's pants down to his knees. He takes the tub from the shelf. The lid clicks.

Two slick fingers push into Noah. It burns a little. Then the burn fades.

Rourke undoes his own belt. He steps in close behind Noah. One hand holds Noah's hip. The head of his cock presses against Noah's hole. He waits.

"Do you want it?" Rourke says.

"Yes," Noah says. His voice shakes.

Rourke pushes in slowly. He is thick. Noah breathes out, and Rourke slides deeper. It stretches and aches. Then Rourke is all the way in. Noah feels full up to his belly.

"Too much?" Rourke says.

"No," Noah says. "More."

Rourke moves slow and deep. The ache turns to heat. Noah pushes back to meet him. In the mirror his own mouth hangs loose. He did not know he looked like that.

A pipe knocks in the wall. Both men go still. Noah holds his breath. Nobody comes.

"Good," Rourke says.

Rourke goes faster. His hips slap against Noah. Noah's legs shake. His fingers grip the edge of the sink. Rourke's breath is hot on his neck.

Rourke goes harder. Noah cannot keep quiet. The heat pulls tight in his belly. It keeps getting tighter.

Then Noah lets go. The slap of skin fades. The mirror goes dark. There is only Rourke's weight and the heat. Noah comes on the tile.

Rourke pushes deep one last time. He holds there. He groans. He bursts inside Noah. Noah feels each pulse. It is hot and deep.

Neither man moves. Noah's heart bangs in his chest.

Rourke pulls out slowly. Noah's legs give way. Rourke holds him up with both arms. He waits until Noah can stand. Then he wipes Noah clean with a towel. Noah pulls up his pants.

"You okay?" Rourke says.

"Yes," Noah says.

"I want you to stay," Rourke says. "Climb the wall."

It is morning. The men line up at the wall.

Noah is sore. His arms shake on the rope. He climbs anyway. He gets to the top for the first time. He drops down the other side. He lands on his knees in the mud.

Rourke walks over. He stands above Noah. This time he holds out his hand.

"On your feet," Rourke says.

Noah takes the hand.